Geeking Out

Beyond the affinity for good grammar and spelling, we have a few other shamefully dorky tendencies. Okay, more than a few. Some might say a lot. A whole lot. But that just makes us more awesome, right?

me: I watch 27.439 hours [of tv] per week
you: Hey. Careful. You're talking to a data guy here. Start throwing numbers around like that and you might really sweep me off my feet :-)

me: I do not pick favorite colors or food, but I definitely pick favorite [software] programs

me: I still have my t-shirt from [the state spelling bee]. I wear it as a night shirt. I should wear it with my crossword underwear. Be ultra geek.

you: I call Jackson "Jacksonian Democracy" sometimes  you: PS This is what part of the alphabet would look like if Q and R were eliminated.

me: If Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers, how many pickled peppers did Peter Piper pick?
you: 7 according to my data, but two had Phytophthora Blight and had to be discarded, netting Peter Piper 5 pickled peppers picked

me: How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if he were to have gone to college like his dad told him to instead of taking that year off to "find himself" by backpacking through Europe only to return home and realize he still didn't know who he was and he was a lot poorer and couldn't get a scholarship anymore so he ended up working at the 7-11 down the street from his parents' house and living in their basement until he was 37 and then found a twice divorced crack whore with 3 children from 3 fathers to shack up with and teach him how to commit petty theft?
you: According to my research, a college degree is worth a steadily growing bundle.  According to new data from the Commerce Department's U.S. Census Bureau,  Americans age 18 and older with a bachelor's degree earned an average of $51,554, while those with a high school diploma earned $28,645.  Thus, a difference of $22,909 per year would translate into approximately 101.8 fewer cords of wood chucked.  Poor guy.

And that doesn't cover the number of conversations making fun of people's tech support issues or graphic design fails. Maybe those will be future posts...

Reason #7,403: You're a Grammar Nazi

I shouldn't be surprised, but I managed to get exactly what I asked for on Match: someone who knows how to use a semicolon correctly. I believe I also requested good spelling, punctuation, and grammar, and I'm glad to say I got all of that, and more. Countless times over the course of our courting emails we corrected each other and ourselves, falling head over heels with each typo fixed. Or something like that.

you: grammar corrections dont bother me. i find them endearing, in fact
me: well then you're gonna find me overwhelmingly endearing. not that you have bad grammar, i just like to make corrections
you: that last sentence didn't have a period.
me: grammar is not the same as punctuation
you: uh, yeah it is
me: i keep them distinct because i don't do punctuation in IM very often
me: but if you're going to nitpick, then your sentences aren't starting with capitals
you: lot's of times i dont in email either. capitals--don't need them
me: me either, except for EMPHASIS, when i need to YELL AT YOU

you: I want to make sure your worthy first.
me: You mean you're
you: oh god. what the fuck. i hate myself right now. 

you: basically told him that i should have no problem swooning you because that's what i'm up against...
me: swooning me? i don't think that's the proper usage of that word AT ALL

you: fyewf ;-)
me: you have the funniest ways of spelling your onomatopoeias

me: new mom's? moms. no apostrophe. bad, sarah, bad
you: i won't hold it against you. self correction
me: i hold it against myself

you: i don't spell a lot alot alot.
me: i do probably as probalby all the time
you: wow...a grammatically correct sentence with three a lot's in it
minus some punctuation

It must've been the puppy love that kept me from pointing out the additional errors I see now, but considering you were the only candidate with proper semicolon usage, I'll take what I can get! ;)

I haven't killed any of your plants yet.

Reason #1: Your Sense of Humor

Although we're up to the tens of millions in reasons now, if we go back to the first reason I fell in love with you, it was probably your sense of humor. In fact, your first words--ever--to me, were to tell me how witty you were: "This is witty; this is wittier."

But there are LOTS of examples of that famous McAfee wit:

• "I grabbed my junk with both hands and said 'If you can fit it in this way, then I'll cry uncle.'"
• "I don't have foreplay. I have depositions." 
• "It wouldn't make me special, it would acknowledge my special-ness."
• "I was dumped on my birthday and all I got was this stupid email."
• "You have to understand that I'm not as f'ed up as these jokes make me seem. And you have to promise not to tell anyone where you heard them from if you repeat them."
• "What do you give a deaf, dumb, and blind kid for Christmas? Cancer."

Although, I'm not so un-funny myself. Once the facade of gentility was removed, I rocked your world with some seriously messed up jokes:

• "What's the toughest part of having sex with a five year old? Getting blood out of your clown suit."
• "What's the difference between a black man and a pizza? A pizza can feed a family of four."
• "What's the difference between cookies and Jews? Cookies don't scream when you put them in the oven."

Turns out we're both pretty "hariacal".

Outside Perspectives

No relationship is really just the two people doing the dating. It's also the opinions of the family and friends that feel the need to stick their nose in it. Their opinions are important to us, and more importantly, they say some really funny things about our new relationships in the early days. So with that, let's get into the outsider perspectives:

OPINIONS ABOUT COREY
Sarah's Mom:

• "He seems like a nice guy. and smart. Geez...I get dumber every time you meet someone. My position in the pecking order keeps dropping."
• "Good for him [for receiving an award]. I'm glad he's not a ward of the state. A ward of the zoo. I don't know."

Sarah's Sisters:

• "Sarah's talking to her future baby daddy"

Sarah's Friends:

• "I think he's already my bff" (Matt)
• "He sounds so cute" (Adrienne)
• "I approve of his dog. but I already told you that. He also has the blue eyes dark hair combo that I approve of." (Adrienne)
• "Lesbian Sarah usually calls me Smapes, but we had so much fun talking about you tonight that she's decided that she might as well start calling me Smcafee instead."
• "He does seem to like to talk" (Russell)
• "Corey seems nice, you do need to teach him about sports though." (Russell)
• "Tell Corey I like his rack." (Russell)

OPINIONS ABOUT SARAH
Corey's Mom:

• "Well , I haven't told her [about you] because I'm going to have to explain to her that I am dating a girl named Sarah who is not the same girl as the last girl I was dating who was also named Sarah who she does not know that I am no longer dating. So it's going to be confusing for her."
• "Sounds right up your alley" [because she works for a nonprofit]
• "Cubby's gonna get married" 

Corey's Dad:

• "My dad calls you my 'match ho'"

Corey's Brother:

• "Stop spittin' game" 

Corey's Friends:

• "I've gotten a thumbs-up re: you from all the important people"
• "I like her choice of dress. Pretty and slightly sexy." (Jana)
• "Good girl. Confident and bawdy. Good combo." (Jana)
• "Dude, she's a real catch. Try not to fuck this one up." (Tim, although it was an imagined conversation upon learning I liked Kate from Lost)
• "Marty told me I'm smitten"

Obviously our friends and family are pretty good judges of character. Especially your dad. If only we could get Jackson's take on things...

The Ultimate

Ah, date night. We've had many date nights in 4.5 years, and crossed many things off that legendary list we created in the first three months. Sadly though, it appears you've never taken me on The Ultimate Date. Let's check the record on that, shall we?

Corey: If I were going to choose the ultimate date, I'd probably be inclined to come up with a date that really focused on this still-yet-to-be-named woman.  Night in a nice hotel downtown, lots of pampering, candles, massages, showers, hot tubs, good food, probably some body paints...I'll leave the rest to the imagination ;-) 

If I remember correctly, I was the one that brought you to a hotel for a romantic date night, and you ended up with a fever and clogged sinuses.

Well, romantic hotel stays aren't really our style, anyway. Too cliche. We've never been a very cliche couple. I mean just look at some of our compliments:

• my relationship with you is similar to that of [what about] bob and the shrink. slowly i'm growing to find you endearing
• you'd be way less fun to hang out with if you were pregnant
• you're such a dork
• you would be very boring without booze
• you are worthy of paying for the entire first date
• i wanna love you but never too much
• it's nice to get reminders that you're human and not a figment of my imagination 
• your sat score is pretty hot
• i haven't been sober since i met you
• you're smarter than i even guessed 

Can you tell who said what? Too bad I don't have your classic "cute puffy cheeks" compliment on e-record. We're pretty much the best complimenters ever. Also, analogies. We rule at analogies. Here's The Ultimate Analogy--the best I found in my email revisits:

Me: well, i know i have a lot to offer and i find that men latch on to that quickly and suddenly find themselves in far deeper emotional water than i am, because i'm still analyzing the shallow end. i want to look at every tile on the bottom of the pool or something, and probably count the number of steps i've taken or other OCD things, and then suddenly i'll realize partway into the water that the pool is overly chlorinated and it's making my skin itch but the guy swam out so fast into the deep end he didn't even notice, so even though i'm trying to wait for him to come back to where i am so he can hold my hand and we can exit as friends he's so busy splashing and treading water that he doesn't want to come back and then eventually i just have to leave and he drowns and his family sues me

Pretty good, eh? I really did LOL when I re-read that. We both should've been English majors. Okay, that's all for tonight...

p.s. I lied in my last post about not lying in our email exchanges. Check out this gem: "I often sleep topless"

Little White Lies

You know, when you're interested in a new person, and flirting, and fawning, and falling all over yourself to make them like you, it's a little like being under duress. You sometimes say things or agree to things you wouldn't otherwise say or agree to. It's okay, I'll forgive you for these little fibs:

• "I just like checking other things out and think it'd be fun to go with you [to church]! " & "I wouldn't be opposed to going to church with you."
• "Karaoke sounds like a blast.  I sense a duet coming on?  How about "Endless Love" by Diana Ross and Lionel Richie?  I might have good enough range to sing either part, so I'll let you choose which one you want!!"
• "I actually enjoy cutting the grass"
• " I love giving back massages (even the non-sexual ones!)" 
• "If you ever travel to Decatur, we'll have to check out the FLW houses there"
• "I promised myself that I would get another tattoo after I passed the bar and I'm coming up on the two year anniversary of that."
• "You needn't worry about scaring me away by talking about dreams of weddings.  I'm not the kind of guy who freaks out about these things." 

I, on the other hand, told the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. In fact, I even predicted the future a few times. Like this little statement:

• "I may not ride bikes like you, but I'll be there to pick the pebbles and dirt out of your gashes when you crash, antiseptic and bandage you up, and then kiss you until you're all better."

Adrienne agreed that "Corey trying to get in Sarah's pants" is entertaining. I read her a couple of the big whoppers. I'll let it slide though, because you mostly just said over and over how cute I was. Hopefully you still feel that way!

The Revival

I was trying to come up with something to send you with on your trip, but I couldn't think of much that you wouldn't already have with you that you might like. So I figured I would revive this blog for while you're gone and give you something to read each evening when you're back on shore.

Then, I had to think of things to write about, which was an even bigger challenge, so I've decided just to plagiarize. I came across all our old woo-ing emails earlier this week, so I'll revive a new one each day (with commentary) in an attempt to illustrate just how we got to 4.5 years, anyway. I will probably also post photos of the yard to prove to you I haven't killed all the flowers, and dog/baby pictures, too.

So here we go: Day One.

Apparently I tried to rename you Jack.

--If you could pick my name, what would you pick?  Corey's a good name, but it'd be helpful it were not the same as my last roommate.  Matt is definitely out of the question because I have way too many of those as it is.  Alan, Anthony, Ben, Bill, Bob, Brad, Brandon, Aaron, Chris, Coque, Curtis, Craig, Colin, Charlie, Dan, Dave, David, Don, Eric, Ferdy, Frank, Garret, Greg, James, Jim, John, Jon, Joe, JP, Ken, Mike, Nathan, Nick, Oliver, Paul, Pete, Rick, Russell, Ryan, Sean, Scott, Sam, Steven, Todd, Tom, Trevor, Vic, Wayne, Wyatt and Zak are all taken too.  I don't think you look like an Aidan or Kendrick or any of those "new" types of names parents are giving their children now.  Maybe Jack.  I've always liked the name Jack.

"Corey" has grown on me though, so I suppose you can stick with it.

Also in this email was an itinerary for a theoretical someday future trip to Alaska. Let's see how I did, eh?

• Drive out to Girdwood to Alyeska (tram up to the top of the mountain)
• Beluga Point
• Potter's Marsh
• Double Muskey
• Portage Glacier (visitor's center with the moose, bear and giant mosquito)
• Look for moose along the side of the highway
• Walking tour of downtown
• Trivia night at Humpy's
• Drink a bunch of tasty beer, brewed fresh in Alaska
• Ship Creek
• Coastal trail
• Moose's Tooth
• Denali
• Wasilla and Palmer
• Feed ducks
• Talkeetna  (with a flight to Denali base camp)
• Fairbanks
• Chena Hot Springs

Hmm...well, I guess we'll have to go again. Not too bad, though! Hope your drive was quick and easy and your errand running goes well tomorrow!

Unrelated: Cool Video