The Ultimate

Ah, date night. We've had many date nights in 4.5 years, and crossed many things off that legendary list we created in the first three months. Sadly though, it appears you've never taken me on The Ultimate Date. Let's check the record on that, shall we?

Corey: If I were going to choose the ultimate date, I'd probably be inclined to come up with a date that really focused on this still-yet-to-be-named woman.  Night in a nice hotel downtown, lots of pampering, candles, massages, showers, hot tubs, good food, probably some body paints...I'll leave the rest to the imagination ;-) 

If I remember correctly, I was the one that brought you to a hotel for a romantic date night, and you ended up with a fever and clogged sinuses.

Well, romantic hotel stays aren't really our style, anyway. Too cliche. We've never been a very cliche couple. I mean just look at some of our compliments:

• my relationship with you is similar to that of [what about] bob and the shrink. slowly i'm growing to find you endearing
• you'd be way less fun to hang out with if you were pregnant
• you're such a dork
• you would be very boring without booze
• you are worthy of paying for the entire first date
• i wanna love you but never too much
• it's nice to get reminders that you're human and not a figment of my imagination 
• your sat score is pretty hot
• i haven't been sober since i met you
• you're smarter than i even guessed 

Can you tell who said what? Too bad I don't have your classic "cute puffy cheeks" compliment on e-record. We're pretty much the best complimenters ever. Also, analogies. We rule at analogies. Here's The Ultimate Analogy--the best I found in my email revisits:

Me: well, i know i have a lot to offer and i find that men latch on to that quickly and suddenly find themselves in far deeper emotional water than i am, because i'm still analyzing the shallow end. i want to look at every tile on the bottom of the pool or something, and probably count the number of steps i've taken or other OCD things, and then suddenly i'll realize partway into the water that the pool is overly chlorinated and it's making my skin itch but the guy swam out so fast into the deep end he didn't even notice, so even though i'm trying to wait for him to come back to where i am so he can hold my hand and we can exit as friends he's so busy splashing and treading water that he doesn't want to come back and then eventually i just have to leave and he drowns and his family sues me

Pretty good, eh? I really did LOL when I re-read that. We both should've been English majors. Okay, that's all for tonight...

p.s. I lied in my last post about not lying in our email exchanges. Check out this gem: "I often sleep topless"